Craps I get everyday in my inbox...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench
rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .. The house I wanted last year is
back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a
pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker
room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Posted by The Webmaster at 4:52 AM | Permalink | Comments

/*Program to Propose a girl*/
#include
#include
#define Cute beautiful_lady

main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);

if(lady ==Cute)
line++;
while( !reply )
{

printf("I Love U");

scanf("100%",&reply);

}

if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */

else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);



else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}

goto restaurant;

restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}

if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;

cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;

}
}

if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
}
}

Posted by The Webmaster at 3:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Five things are happening in your house at the same time. In which
sequence would you solve them?
1. The telephone is ringing!
2. The baby is crying!
3. Someone's knocking or calling you from the front door!
4. You hung the clothes out to dry and it is beginning to rain!
5. You left the tap on in the kitchen and the water is already
overflowing!

In which sequence would you solve these problems? Write the sequence and Click here to know how your decisions were made.

BUT BE HONEST, THE FINDINGS ARE EXCITING.

Posted by The Webmaster at 7:36 AM | Permalink | Comments

When you have a guilty conscience.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say, "hello".

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My goodness, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher.

Posted by The Webmaster at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

Two butterflies were in love.........
One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek.......

During the play.....
Boy Butterfly - "A small game within us"
Girl Butterfly - "OK"
Boy Butterfly - "The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in
the morning.....that one loves the other one more....."
Girl Butterfly - "OK"

Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the flower to open so that
he can sit before the girl butterfly does......

Finally, the flower opened.....
What did he see.....?????........





The girl butterfly had died inside the flower.....

She stayed there all night......so that early in the morning......as
soon as she sees him.......she can fly to him and tell him how much she
loved him........

This is true LOVE....
Life is LOVE.......

LIVING MIGHT MEAN TAKING CHANCES, BUT THEY ARE WORTH TAKING......
LOVING MIGHT BE A MISTAKE, BUT ITS WORTH MAKING........

Posted by The Webmaster at 6:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and
screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some
cream on the place you were stung."

MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
sitting under a tree."'

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
"Which one?"

MAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."

Posted by The Webmaster at 6:28 PM | Permalink | Comments

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly
speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncon trol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer faints!!!!!!!!!

Posted by The Webmaster at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

This is not a mail actually, but kinda funny so I thought i'll share it with you guys,
Yesterday when I was on my bed, just then my girlfriend came up jumping,

"Hey my mobile ring tone is kinda old and boring"

I was feeling sleepy so I said –"Okay!! Congrats…"

She said- "Congrats?? What for??"

I said- "That you discovered your ring tone is boring"

I was skeptical about her ring tone because ever since she downloaded it, everyday she forced me to listen to it and praise it..

She made a long face and said – "I want a new ring tone."

I was tired like hell so I said – "Ohh okay fine, I'll try to find one..."

She said – "NOW!!!"

I said-"No honey, I am tired, I'll get you one, but NOT NOW…"

She said –"I want it NOW….."

When you are up against a woman, A woman whom you love (even by mistake..), you've got no chance. I knew that there's no point arguing because either way I wouldn't get to sleep, So I decided to give up and search the ring tone for her

I switched on my Computer opened Google n searched for Ring tones.
Google gave me a bunch of sites, I opened some random sites in new tabs (God bless Opera!), then suddenly I saw this site –
Free ring tones -http://www.thethinktanksoftware.com/ringtones.html

I was like wow, why the hell do I need to spend my $$ when I can get ring tone for free, so I clicked on the link, and I had this page open saying –

"Every has a ring tone now is your chance to get yours. Try and be cool for once and download a fresh tone today."

So far so good, I was impressed. So went on reading –

"Shakira has the # 1 ring tone right now and you can download it now. It's super easy just enter you cell number and confirm a text message you get."

"Hummmm!!! So does it mean that Shakira too uses this site??" I asked my self...

"The latest rage right now is the mosquito ring tone. This is the ring tone that only kids under
20 can hear and is currently used by many kids because they can use it in school without adults hearing the ring"

Wait a minute….Did I read Mosquito Ring tone???? Is it like a mosquito buzzing in your ears, every time you try to sleep??

"Hell!! Who would be so stupid to download a mosquito buzz in his mobile??" I asked my girlfriend, laughing lightly.

She gave me a nasty look and said – "I do..."

I said – "No, you don't. You are kidding, aren't ya?"

She said – "Look at my face, do I look like i am kidding..."

I said – "Duh!! Why the do you want this mosquito ring tone?? Ain't you enough to ruin my naps??"

Ignoring the second part of my question She said- "You are stupid, didn't you see, the website is saying that it's the latest buzz and since I am under 20 I can hear it and no body will know that my cell phone is buzzing.."

I said – "Ehh, they are businessmen, they would sell crap saying it's the most precious stuff of the world , it's their job..."

She said – …..

I said -…..

And blah blah blah...

So I ended up downloading that mosquito ring tone for her mobile, proving again the fact that If you are up against a beautiful woman, specially whom you love, you've got no chance.
That's the moment and this is the moment, I haven't slept even for a minute. WHY?? Because whenever I try to sleep her "NEW, NOT SO BORING, LATEST BUZZ OF THE MARKET" ring tone starts buzzing, giving me a feeling that I am surrounded by a thousand mosquitoes….Like I have not had enough….

YAWN…………………….

Posted by The Webmaster at 5:35 AM | Permalink | Comments

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of
golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot
right through the window of the biggest house adjacent
to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now
we'll haveapologize and see how much your lousy drive is going
to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened
the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the
people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the
husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
you. You see, I'm a g enie, and I've been trapped in
that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've
released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll
keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a
moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a
year for! the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the
least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy
life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie
asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with
servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes
will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural
disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your
wish, genie?"

" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and
haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand
years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey,
you know we both now have a fortune, and all those
houses. What do you think?"

She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, "You
know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I
guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the
woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the
afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was
insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop fun,
the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?"

Posted by The Webmaster at 5:19 AM | Permalink | Comments

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

Posted by The Webmaster at 5:15 AM | Permalink | Comments